


Dumb and Dumber

by HyperKid



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Accidental Bonding, Caleb Widogast is DTF, Fjord is not the most observant cookie in the jar, M/M, Pining, Unforeseen Consequences, Widofjord Week, Widofjord Week 2020, prompt: blood pact
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:00:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25061995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HyperKid/pseuds/HyperKid
Summary: Smart people know not to make a blood pact in a sea hag’s lair. Fjord never claimed to be smart people, but he kinda always assumed Caleb was? But if that was true, they wouldn’t be in this mess.Slow build of two men completely ignoring a growing magical bond because it’s probably just a crush, right?
Relationships: Caleb Widogast/Fjord, WidoFjord - Relationship
Comments: 19
Kudos: 127





	Dumb and Dumber

**Author's Note:**

> HK: I.... am in trouble.   
> Mollymauk: Cutting it close!   
> HK: Cutting it closer on the other one!   
> Mollymauk: I told you not to put Pumat in it.   
> HK: And until you told me that I didn’t actually consider the possibility of him being in it!   
> Mollymauk: I still told you not to?   
> HK: You are a diabolical genius.   
> Mollymauk: I’ll take that as a professional recommendation.   
> HK: ............ yeah. Wish me luck, I think I’ll only have one more thing this week but fuck it, I’m spinning the Royalty AU bit off into full length PolyNein. 
> 
> WARNINGS!! Lil bits of self deprecation and dumbassery 
> 
> Disclaimer: Despite my best efforts, still no word back on my plans to steal Matt’s soul and the rights to Critical Role. Might be getting stuck in the mail?

Never make a blood pact in a hag’s lair. 

A rule you’d think would be universally understood in a world with actual hags, but there was always going to be at least one idiot. Though to make a blood pact, you need two idiots. 

Fjord would be the first to admit he was kind of an idiot. Reckless, impulsive, but it never really hurt anyone else before. He’d never had anyone else to be hurt by it before. 

At first, he kinda thought he and Caleb were closer because they’d made the pact together. Added a level of trust, a new level of companionship. They’d done something stupid together. 

So when he found himself automatically watching the wizard, tracking where he was in a room, he figured it was just because they’d gotten closer. He’d asked Caleb to trust him, to follow his lead. And he had. Of course he’d look at him in a different light. 

And... well, he was a very attractive man. Even more so on the hot Menagerie seas, where he’d stripped off half his layers and rolled up his sleeves. It wasn’t exactly bathing, but the regular dips in the sea were helping too, and there really wasn’t much to get covered in except salt. 

Not without a partner. 

Fjord tended to dip out around this thought since it inevitably led to how Caleb would look splayed on his back, hair dishevelled and cheeks flushed with pleasure. A lovely fantasy when he was alone, not so much when he was stood at the railing surrounded by crew, watching Jester and Caduceus try their Locate spells. 

Honestly, the last temple hadn’t been so bad. It had almost been easy to find, and the crabs guarding it were simpler than dealing with Dashilla again. So close to his goal, so close to another piece of the puzzle, it was easier to forget where Caleb was than it had been in days. 

Which was lucky, since distraction in the kind of fight the Nein were used to would end very badly for all of them. 

All the way back to Nicodranas, Fjord tried to tell himself that he wasn’t watching Caleb still. He just... always happened to be at whatever end of the deck Fjord wandered towards. 

It was only natural for Fjord to want to check in with his friends. Only right. They’d spent the last few months in a completely unfamiliar environment, fighting for their lives, and Caleb had never so much as seen the sea before! He needed to be checked in with. 

So did Caduceus, and Beau, and Nott, and even Jester hadn’t spent real time at sea. And Fjord did check in with all of them. He just found himself looking to Caleb almost every time he had nothing more to do. Which, honestly, wasn’t exactly often while they were at sea. 

**

By the time they reached land, it seemed totally normal to know whenever Caleb was about to enter a room. 

Fjord had pretty much come to terms with having a crush on the human wizard, which clearly explained why he found himself gazing at him at all hours. Jester had assured him that it was perfectly normal to be paying more attention to where his crush was, and be more aware of his presence. 

An inexperienced kid she might be, but she was confident in her theory, and Fjord sure wasn’t going to argue. It made perfect sense. Hell, there wasn’t even that much space on the ship anyway, so of course he was more aware. The odds of Caleb not being in the same room were pretty low. 

He could almost convince himself that maybe Caleb was looking for him too, but that was dangerously close to the idea that Caleb might be... interested in him, and that was an idea that Fjord immediately shut off at the pass. He was not going to be getting his hopes up. 

Caleb was an incredible wizard, and a very handsome man when he wasn’t deliberately rolling through the mud. He could do a lot better than some sailor from nowhere who was only special because a big ass snake chose him. Fjord would be honoured just to have his friendship and his trust, and be grateful that they were travelling companions. 

Another few weeks on the cart, within ten feet of each other almost constantly as they travelled to the empire... well, of course Fjord got used to glancing around to see Caleb beside him. They weren’t talking much more or less than they had before; with the stress of the sea behind them, things had gotten better for all of the Nein. 

They were together. They’d faced something terrible and come out not just on top, but mostly unscathed. The shadow of Molly’s loss had eased with time, and things felt... better. Closer. 

When they’d left Hupperdook, they’d been more than a team. Friends, adventurers, finally beginning to trust each other. And it was all torn apart. 

Nothing was the same after the Iron Shepherds. 

Even back together, everything was so much more tenuous. They knew they could be torn apart. Knew they could lose. 

And Caleb had gritted his teeth, clenched his buttocks, and held them together. Stepping off the Balleater in Nicodranas, they weren’t friends. Weren’t teammates. They were a family, and one that couldn’t be torn apart again. One that would always come back together. 

So yeah, they all felt closer. 

Nothing weird about it. 

And the whole Nein were used to defending Caleb in battle. The wizard could strike some terrible blows, but he really couldn’t take more than one. Putting themselves between him and the fight was just normal. 

Fjord didn’t really noticed when he stopped having to glance around first. To check where Caleb actually was before moving between him and harm. It was definitely just force of habit. 

If anyone else noticed, they didn’t really say anything. They had bigger concerns, and bigger tasks in hand. 

** 

In retrospect, the succubus fight should have been more of an eye opener. Caleb sounded... strange, when he called them into the larger chamber below Assarius. But then... it had been a strange day. 

It was so early in the morning that it was still late at night. They were so far out of their depth the sea looked like a paddling pool. And all Fjord could think when he heard Caleb’s voice was that it sounded really, really good in there. 

Even the incubus seemed a little surprised at how easily he slipped under the same charm. But the idea of fighting Caleb just... didn’t form. It couldn’t. There was just no way that Caleb would betray him. 

And the charm spell echoed through his blood, just waiting to be activated. 

And when he broke the charm, the sheer thought of Caleb being in someone else’s thrall filled him with a rage that shook his very bones. 

The sudden blinding, furious possessiveness almost frightened him. He’d never really had anything to be possessive of before. Certainly not with this boiling, vicious fury, that demanded he pound the ones who dared to touch his wizard into the stone with his bare hands. 

The power of the falchion was just lure enough to keep him from tossing it aside and trying. It gave him the strength to continue, to push through and destroy the creatures that stole Caleb, that nearly killed him so many times. 

Fjord felt every stab Caleb took like a weight in his own chest. Felt every time he went down, knocked out despite Jester’s near constant attention and healing. Thought it was just guilt, at the time. Thought it was because he loved him. 

Which was a new and fuckin’ terrifying word for him, but he couldn’t stop smiling when he thought it. 

Yeah. He could be an idiot. 

** 

What he couldn’t explain was the voice. 

Things happened so fast after the battle under Assarius. They were barely recovered from the fight, hauling themselves back to the surface to go and explain what they’d done, and then they were straight to the Bright Queen’s palace. 

If even one of them could have thought to say stop, to wait, to hold on for just a minute to plan... though in hindsight, considering the Mighty Nein’s track record with plans, it probably went as well as it could have. Better than they had any right to expect. 

It seemed like only Fjord heard Caleb’s voice, choked and strained as he reached into Jester’s haversack. Terrified. Immediately wash aside on a wave of determination and an emphatic “fuck it” that almost made Fjord laugh at the worst possible moment. 

When they were actually still alive that night, not just alive but personal guests of the Bright Queen, Fjord found himself thinking about that moment again. He could have sworn Caleb said someone’s name. A name he’d heard before, but he had no idea where. 

Simplest plan seemed to be to go ask Caleb. 

The wizard seemed to be over his prolonged panic attack by the time Fjord tracked him down. Unfortunately he was also outside, rubbing down Yannick. 

Fjord approached slowly, keeping his hands out and visible and trying to make as much noise as he could so he wouldn’t catch either off guard. Yannick snarled at him anyway, shifting closer and grinding his claws into the street. 

Fjord froze immediately and Caleb hurried to soothe the creature, moving between him and Fjord and gently stroking his face. Yannick settled back reluctantly with a last terrifying rumble. Not taking his eyes off the moorbounder, Fjord edged just a little closer. 

“Hey... uh, bad time?” He asked slowly, not sure what he wanted the answer to be. 

Once he was sure Yannick had settled, Caleb shot the warlock a strained smile over his shoulder. 

“Not the worst. Did you need something?” 

Fjord hesitated for a moment, eyes fixed on the hulking moorbounder. He had this insistent feeling that Yannick specifically didn’t like him, even more than the others, but he couldn’t imagine why. It wasn’t like he’d had anything to do with him. 

But Caleb was watching him with mild confusion, so he pulled himself together. 

“Uh... thought I heard you say something in the throne room, when everything went to shit? Who’s Ikithon?” 

Caleb’s entire body froze. Every muscle so rigid Fjord could see them from where he stood. Yannick roared, startling passersby, and Fjord hurried forward to snatch the wizard away, backing sharply out of reach. 

“Fuck, Caleb! Are you okay?” He asked, glancing worriedly back at the moorbounder, who was growling but settled slowly down. 

The sharp movement must have jarred Caleb back to himself as he sucked in a breath, trying to arrange his expression into something other than terror. When he thought his voice wouldn’t shake, he managed a response. 

“I did not say his name in that hall, Fjord,” he rasped, staring fixedly at the corner of the inn. Focusing on that, the least important detail, helped drag him back to the present moment. 

And confused the hell out of Fjord. 

Brows furrowing, his arms tightened for just a moment around the wizard, decidedly not liking how... fragile Caleb sounded. Not fucking liking what he’d said, either. 

“What? I thought I heard you when you were goin’ for the haversack, you said somethin’ about a Master Ikithon an’ then you said fuck it?” He’d been so sure, even more so since it was such a thoroughly inappropriate thing to say. 

Caleb’s face blanched again at the name, though it was already ghost pale underneath all the mud. But he grasped at the question, thinking back and frowning, his perfect memory playing that moment over and over. He hadn’t said it. He knew he hadn’t. But how the hell would Fjord know his name? 

Finally he shook his head, forcing himself to meet Fjord’s gaze. Somehow just looking into those slitted amber eyes was just... soothing. Calming even when the situation was truly fucking weird. 

“I did not say it.” And now, hoping against hope, there was a chance that Fjord would be distracted enough by that. By the mystery. And not ask who the hell the man was for Caleb to react the way he had. 

And for now... Fjord shelved that question. Not for long, hell no, he’d ask the rest of the Nein later and see if any of them knew. So he didn’t accidentally set Caleb into another panic. Nott might know, or Beau. They were both closest to Caleb. 

He’d have to talk to them anyway. 

Brow furrowed in confusion, he wasted a moment just staring dumbfounded at the man in his arms. Still in his arms. 

Yeah, he wasn’t gonna let go if Caleb didn’t ask him to. It had already been a fuckin’ day. 

“If you didn’t say it, how did I hear it? Are ya sure you didn’t mutter or somethin’?” He asked hopefully, not sure why he was so hungry for an alternative. Not sure what the hell else it could be anyway. 

The look Caleb gave him shut him up immediately. 

“You think no one would have commented if I swore at the Bright Queen? They were already ready to take our heads.” 

Immediately abashed, Fjord glanced away. 

“Thought maybe they were distracted by you pullin’ their god from a bag,” he muttered, not sure why he’d bothered arguing. Caleb’s memory was the next thing to perfect. If he said he hadn’t done it... “So what did I hear?” 

And that pulled Caleb up short again. 

He just didn’t have an answer. Because yes, absolutely he had been thinking about Trent as he went for the bag. Had been utterly fucking terrified that this would be it, the moment that would attract his attention, would tear down everything Caleb had built for months. 

Had decided it’d be worth it to protect his family. 

“Fuck it” had summed it up pretty well. 

Finally he shrugged. 

“We should talk to the others.” 

** 

Jester laced her fingers on the table, piercing the men across it with a steely stare over a smile that was utterly murderously brittle, only her eyes betraying her concern. 

“Oh, I don’t know what you’ve done lately that might cause weird psychic shit. You’ve not done anything really stupid around ancient magic you totally don’t understand, right?” Biting sarcasm was so entirely unlike her that it shocked the rest of the Nein speechless. 

Nott broke the silence. 

“So... Dashilla?” She asked hesitantly, gaze flicking between the fuming tiefling and mildly contrite men. 

Fjord shuffled in his seat. 

“But like... that was for weather shit? All sea magic, right? No weird telepathy stuff. And I’ve never heard his thoughts before,” he added quickly, shooting Caleb an inquisitive look. 

The wizard shrugged. 

“I have not heard anything strange.” 

Jester threw both her hands in the air, a dramatic pout that was a lot more normal actually reassuring both somewhat. 

“And what else did you do! Some bonds take time, I told you guys not to fuck around in there!” 

Beau frowned thoughtfully, shooting her own thoughtful stare across wizard and warlock. 

“I have kinda noticed you guys being weird. Like when you gave Caleb that water skin before he even opened his mouth last week.” 

“They’ve been finishing each others’ thoughts a lot,” Caduceus added before either Fjord or Caleb could protest, “coming up with the same plans. Finishing sentences. I thought it was sweet.” 

Mouth already open to argue with Beau, Fjord hesitated. It... kinda had felt like he and Caleb had been in sync a lot lately. 

“It’s not like there’s anything else you’ve done that didn’t include all the rest of us and I didn’t hear anything,” Jester huffed and folded her arms, apparently mollified by the others’ agreement. “I told you it was stupid.” 

“The alternative may be much worse,” Yasha put in quietly, immediately drawing all attention. Pale cheeks flushed but she folded her arms too. “It would have to be some kind of spell someone else cast on you.” 

That made the rest of the Nein pause, shooting each other uncertain glances. It wasn’t the kind of effect that’d usually be part of a curse, and Yasha had already admitted she’d not heard anything, which ruled out the succubus’ charm. 

Fjord shook his head slowly, resting both hands flat on the table. 

“I think Jester’s right. Fuckin’ around in Dashilla’s lair makes the most sense. And I’m sorry we did it,” he added quickly, looking across to the tiefling. 

Jester rolled her eyes. 

“You’re totally not. The question is, what else can you guys do now? Are you just gonna be hearing each others’ thoughts and shit? Or are you gonna be like, bonded by souls and stuff?” 

It had been where Fjord was going too, so he had a head start on all the others as they fell silent to consider. 

“And how do we find out without gettin’ someone fuckin’ killed?” The warlock asked, looking around to meet everyone else’s eyes. 

Caduceus frowned thoughtfully, fingertips skipping across his staff. 

“I can ask the Wildmother and see what she knows?” He offered slowly, a pensive smile spreading across his face. “She may at least no where to start.” 

Jester perked up immediately, slapping her hands down on the table. 

“And I’ll ask the Traveler! I bet he’d know all about blood pacts and stuff!” 

“Why?” Beau mouthed silently, staring at the tiefling beside her somewhere between intrigued and confused. Not worth arguing with her, though. 

“I guess the rest of us could hit the books?” Nott offered with a hesitant glance around the table. “There has to be a good library somewhere if this is the capital city.” 

Yasha gave a little shrug. 

“We could ask. But we also need to decide how much we want people here to know.” 

“Especially if we don’t ourselves,” Beau sighed, folding her arms and flopping back into her chair with a huff. The rest of the table broke into debate, arguing about what they had to try, who they should tell, who they really shouldn’t tell. It got overwhelming so fast Fjord couldn’t help but lean back away from it all. 

Not even five minutes to adjust to... well. He might be permanently bonded to someone now. Glancing up, his gaze automatically caught Caleb’s in a way that pulled a slight smile to his lips. 

Yeah, it felt just a little like something tugging their eyes together. 

Caleb looked about as overwhelmed as he felt, smiling sheepishly back. Leaning over just a little he lowered his voice below Nott’s shrill screech.

“Guess I owe you a little more than a “sorry”, huh?” He said softly. Caleb snickered. 

“Well I did not know we would be bound together, but I made the pact the same as you Fjord. You hardly forced me.” 

Fjord’s mind skipped back to Felderwyn, to Caleb insisting that he was using them. Something sharp twisted in beneath his skin. 

“Maybe not, but you sure didn’t know what you were agreeing to.” He hesitated as Beau slapped the table hard enough to send plates jumping. Frowned. “Have... have you ever heard my thoughts?” 

“Have you been thinking things you wouldn’t want me to hear?” Caleb shot back, a sly smile lending innuendo to the question that made Fjord stop dead. Probably what Caleb had hoped for as he shrugged, smile slipping back into more normal cadences. “I don’t know. I have not heard anything I could not explain? I believe I heard your voice more than the others while I was... charmed.” 

A cloud passed across his face, a worried frown dragging every line deep into shadow. On an impulse Fjord reached across to take his hand. 

“If you heard that monologue of cursin’, I am very sorry,” he told Caleb solemnly and a smile tugged at the wizard’s lips. 

“I thought you were screaming those aloud?” He asked wryly, not fully willing to let his mood go. It had only been a few hours since he was intently trying to kill all of his friends. Less since Yasha had extremely nearly killed him. 

A gentle pressure on his hand drew his gaze back to Fjord. 

“I thought we were going to lose you,” the half orc said softly, leaning closer. “I know what it was like, remember?” 

Caleb gave him a dry frown. 

“You broke free long before I did,” he reminded Fjord quietly, his gaze falling to their linked hands. 

“I had you to fight for.” 

It drew Caleb’s gaze back to his face and wiped some of the self loathing from his eyes. Which was kind of a win Fjord supposed, but he still couldn’t imagine why he’d said it. 

It was entirely possible that all of his new awareness of Caleb, all of his soft and fuzzy feelings had been because of the blood pact. That he’d been feeling drawn to the man by the actual, literal bond growing between them. 

But that wouldn’t explain how much he’d enjoyed watching the man over the months they’d known each other. How close they’d become in those weeks on the road, and in the weeks since. And honestly... fuck it. 

The little Fjord knew about magic included that blood pacts were serious business, and probably couldn’t be broken without the death of one of the participants, and that wasn’t gonna fucking happen. He’d much rather be stuck with Caleb for the rest of his life. 

The reluctant smile that spread across Caleb’s face made it all worth it. 

“That... is horrifyingly soppy, Fjord,” he said with a low chuckle, shaking his head. Relieved to see it, Fjord grinned back and shrugged. 

“Made you smile though.” 

Caleb raised a hand to his face, a little surprised to find that he was indeed smiling. Smile spreading to a grin he met Fjord’s eye again. 

“Ja,” he admitted a little reluctantly, turning his hand to give Fjord’s a squeeze in return. 

Feeling inordinately proud of himself, Fjord settled back in his seat. The room was.... strangely quiet. 

A quick glance around showed the rest of the Nein all looking at them. Beau was looking smug, Nott vaguely horrified, and Caduceus and Yasha seemed peacefully pleased as ever. Jester looked like she’d just been offered an entire pastry shop. 

And then, surprising everyone, she pushed back from the table and waved at the others. 

“Okay, come on, we gotta go! Lots to do, lots of research!” She chivvied the others out of their seats, scooping Nott up when she was the only one not to go immediately. 

The goblin squirmed for a minute but gave in when Jester mentioned they’d go shopping for clothes. The quest seemed to have moved away from immediate answers to just giving them a little time. A little space. 

Fjord couldn’t say he was against the idea. The inn was still just a little too public for this kind of conversation. Glancing over at Caleb revealed that the wizard had gone brick red. 

Yeah. He wasn’t great at being the center of attention. 

Pushing back from the table as well, Fjord offered him his hand. 

“If you’d like to come upstairs we could talk more in my room?” He wasn’t sure if he should call it his or theirs in all honesty; finding Nott’s husband would definitely throw up the rooming schedule. 

Caleb managed to give him another smile as he took his hand, still half hiding in his scarf. 

“Are you sure you’d only like to talk?” He asked mostly sarcastically, but Fjord still stumbled as he turned. 

He could fucking feel the heat rising in his face as Caleb stared at him, clearly surprised. Yeah, he wasn’t quite up to blatant innuendo just yet, and wasn’t really sure what to do. 

This time it was Caleb taking pity on him, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. 

“I would appreciate if we could start with a bath.” 

The words “together or separately” lined themselves up on Fjord’s tongue but he forced them down firmly. 

He’d kinda already forgotten that “hearing each others thoughts” thing. Remembered very abruptly when Caleb suddenly grinned, giving his hand a gentle tug. 

“I think that answers if it’s just you reading my mind,” he pointed out, and Fjord almost groaned out a laugh. 

“Not the ideal way to do it,” he said with a dramatic sigh, giving in to the absurdity of the moment and following Caleb up the stairs. 

The wizard paused. Glanced back over his shoulder. Grinned. 

“How else could I say yes if you weren’t going to ask?” 

**Author's Note:**

> HK: Okay, one more to go and then I’m straight into widojest week! Have fun everyone!


End file.
